Why is it that all the Halloween bakes are so difficult and/or troublesome to make? There’s always so much decorating just to make a bake scary or autumn-themed. [Actually, even my cupcakes of lost souls for last Halloween were pretty time-consuming, though not difficult.]
What do you do when you’re as lazy as I am? Innovate!
So I thought, why do scary when I can just as well go down the disgusting/revolting route? And I wanted to do as little decorating as possible, and so these turd chocolate cookies were birthed. (Nice image right there, eh?)
- 100g unsalted butter, softened
- 20g shortening
- 60g caster sugar
- 60g icing sugar
- 1/4 tsp salt
- 1/2 tsp vanilla extract
- 1 egg
- 175g all-purpose flour
- 25g unsweetened cocoa powder
Makes about 30
Step 1: Preheat your oven to 200°C (400°F). Line a couple of sheet trays with baking paper.
Step 2: Cream the butter, shortening, sugars, and salt together until light and fluffy. Beat in the egg and vanilla. Finally, sift in the flour and cocoa and mix those in well. You should get a sticky, thick batter.
Step 3: Transfer your batter into a piping bag and cut a tip about a quarter of an inch. (You can also use a large ziplock bag and cut off a corner.)
Step 4: Holding your piping bag at an upright angle, hold still and pipe out a small mound about half-an-inch. Then, without stopping and keeping the bag upright, start moving around the mound you made, spiraling upwards and finish off with a point. I’d say go for height because these turds will sink in the oven when the fats melt in the heat. Your cookies should be about an inch and a half across, spaced out about one inch apart. And don’t worry about being neat. The crappier your turds, the better (hehe).
If the batter starts getting shiny, just stick the entire piping bag and sheet tray in the refrigerator for about 15 minutes. Keeping the batter somewhat chilled helps the cookies retain their shape. Bake each tray for 15 minutes, and accessorise your turds with some chocolate-stained toilet paper.
These turds have a lovely light chocolate flavour. And they’re soft and slightly moist. (Mm.)
If these turd cookies don’t exactly float… your boat (*snicker), here’s a variation I did a while ago — bird poop cookies.
I swear, sometimes I think I have the mind of a ten-year-old.